Blog: On Loneliness

Loneliness – the ubiquitous emotion. People of all ages feel it. Few
understand it. In my practice – I am a clinical psychologist – clients commonly
complain of loneliness, now more than ever. They are puzzled by it, saying
things such as “I have people. In fact, I’m rarely alone. Why am I lonely?”

What most fail to see is that they are not connecting in ways that count.
Which are the ways that count? Real connection nourishes the soul.

In therapy, we often discover ambivalence about making real contact.
There may be tensions, problems or emotions lurking beneath the
surface that one is reluctant to address, making it difficult if not impossible to get closer.

Let’s suppose, for a moment, that you are
ready to make some quality contact with someone.

How might you do it?
First, be where you are and be with who you are with now. Turn off machines,
look your companion in the eyes, and share something real that is on your
heart or mind.
Second, become quiet. If you can manage it, become still. Sit with your companion quietly, maybe
at the kitchen table or in the back yard. Practice being together without talking. Allow for bird song.
Maybe walk together. Share something real. Sit on a bench together. Be still
together. Allow for silence. There is contact in that silence.
See if you don’t feel less lonely in that moment…and maybe later, too!
Third, make contact with yourself. What – how? Well, that’s for a different
day and a different blog.

Be well ~
Dr. Lisa Seropian


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